Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
