Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
