I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Green mimosas i think yes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
