Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
