i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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