Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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