I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
