last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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