come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
