Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
