The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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