Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
