No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
