Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
dude. I can hear the air.
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