she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
