just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
