My hand turned me down
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
