I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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