quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
