The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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