Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
