I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
one might say we're banned from that church
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize