he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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