Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
