Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
