its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
