I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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