I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
