I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize