Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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