things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize