My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
