We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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