My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
