Already got asked if we're dating
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
