First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
