seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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