The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
