I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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