maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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