The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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