got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
