Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
