Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
