I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm too high and old for this...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
