Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
