she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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