This girl is more easily done than said...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
