Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
