last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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