We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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