PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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