mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
