is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
