There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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