hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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