If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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