Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
