Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm passing your future prison.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
