3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
