using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize