I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
