I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
