john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
