If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
40s are totally the cure
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
