Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize