dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
