that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
