you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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