I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
