I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
