Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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