Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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