I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
