she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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